Sunday, April 22, 2012
skiing trip
In second grade my parents promised me that the winter before I go into middle school they would take me snowboarding. Finally, the Friday before February vacation in fifth grade, my parents surprised my younger brother and I with a ski vacation. They told us that we were going to Mount Sunapee for four day. We were going to leave really early the next morning. I could barley sleep that night because I was so excited. We weren’t leaving until six o’clock but I was up and ready to go by five. After an hour of bugging my family to pick up the pace so we could leave, we finally had everything packed into the car. We piled in and set off on our two and a half hour journey to Mount Sunapee in New Hampshire. I try to distract myself by listening to my iPod, but the time still seems to pass extremely slowly. All I want to do is get to the mountain and snowboard. My parents tried to persuade me to ski instead of snowboard, but I had my heart set on snowboarding. I thought that snowboarding would make me cooler.
When we got really close I could see the mountain from the car. It was a lot bigger than I had expected and it scared me a little bit. We pulled into the parking lot and unloaded all of our stuff from the car and rode a bus to the rental lodge. They fitted me for boots and a snowboard and I couldn’t wait to get on the mountain. My parents had signed me up for a lesson because they ski and didn’t know how to teach me to snowboard. The instructor taught us how to buckle our feet into the board, and to walk from one place to another with one foot still attached to the board. I thought this was boring and pointless and just wanted to go down a slope. Finally the instructor took us up the magic carpet to the bunny hill. I had a very unrealistic impression that the first time I went down I was going to be an expert at it. I wasn’t, I fell every two feet. By the end of the lesson I has bruises on both my butt and knees, but I had gotten a lot better. My instructor told my parents that I was ready to go up the lift and try the easiest slope. I barley made it down, I was out of control for the majority of the time and almost when off the trail multiple times. I hated it. It was scary, painful, and I really didn’t like the feeling of both my feet being stuck together on the board. My brother had chosen to ski and had picked up on it really quickly and was having so much fun, so I decided that the next day I was going to try skiing instead. When I tried it I couldn’t believe how similar it was to skating, which I was pretty good at. Though the boots weren’t as comfortable and the skis were harder to carry, it was so much more fun. The rest of the trip was a blast and by the time we left I had even been on a few black diamonds.
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That's a good post, Ellen. It's strange how our expectations sometimes conflict with reality. I went snowboarding once on a free lift ticket, and all I remember is being sore for four days afterward, because much like you, I fell every two feet.
ReplyDeleteA few things:
1. Use paragraph structure. This is better if it's three paragraphs.
2. When we want to change adjectives to adverbs, we add the suffix -ly. Some students will make the mistake of adding -ley, which you've done twice here. Barley is a grain. It's one of the main ingredients in beer. The word you need is barely.
3. Proof before you post. Always put your best foot forward.
4. There is a tense shift in the middle. You're better off telling the whole story consistently in the past tense. Changing tenses midstream isn't recommended.